You’ve broken the ice! But…now what? What do you do next? Do you just start rambling on and on about some things you like? Maybe you ask him or her where she’s from? Or perhaps what his or her favorite food is?

If you want to get the conversation moving, then the key is to do what I just did-ask questions! You want to show that other person that you’re interested in what he or she has to say about something. It is a very fulfilling feeling to have someone being genuinely interested in what you have to say. It’s also very engaging, will keep the conversation flowing, and, above all else, will be fun!

Now, there’s one thing I will advise that you avoid doing in this type of situation. Take Sarah. She went out with her friends one night, and came across a guy whom she found attractive. After breaking the ice and making some light-chit-chat, he asked her what her favorite movie was. Then he asked her another question. And another. And for good measure, he did it again-rather than sharing his opinion on something she told him about herself or her interests. Sarah felt a bit pressured, and decided that this guy wasn’t a good choice, and left him alone for the night.

Yes, I said you should ask questions to get the conversation moving. It should NOT be the only thing you do, though! This is supposed to be a casual chit-chat, not an interview! Here are some tips on how to properly go about this:

  • When you receive an answer to your question, don’t look to just ask another one. Rather, comment on something that the other person said in his or her answer. “What was that? You say you loved how that actor played that part in your favorite movie? I agree! I especially enjoyed the chemistry with his co-lead, especially in that scene.” A quick example to stimulate your mind a bit.
  • Give the other person a chance to ask a question, too! The point here is that you’re supposed to have an engaging conversation. It’s not a very engaging conversation if you’re the one doing all the questioning!
  • Don’t get complacent. You might start to come off as monotone or just start going through motions-which will lead you to become boring. Who’s going to want to talk to you if you’re boring?

Had the guy above actually tried to converse with Sarah, instead of treating her like she was in a corporate office for a job interview, he might have walked away with her number. He opened with a great question-a general topic that a lot of people have interest in. He could have replied with what his favorite movie was after Sarah told him what hers was, which could have lead to more conversation. Instead, he grilled her for information, and walked away empty-handed.

So now you’ve made a lot of progress. But, you’re not done yet. Stay tuned for next week, where I’ll be going over how to close out properly. The way you end conversation will be key to whether or not a person will remain interested in your opinion should he or she decide to speak to you again in the future.